Ten Things I've Learned This Far

1. As I sit here getting ready to cheer on the Cubbies in my Soto jersey tee with a craft beer in my hand, my first realization has come to mind. Soto is a hippie stoner washout still in his 20s. The dude has one homer with one RBI to match and a well below .200 average. A far cry from his stellar rookie of the year campaign. It seems that he has regressed year by year and I don't think he will ever regain form sadly. Trade him for something while they can and let's usher in the Welington Castillo era. Steve Cleve can beg for change on Damen.

2. Marmol may not be as good as advertised. He has more blown saves than saves and hasn't been able to find the strikezone consistently again. People know not to swing at that ridiculous slider anymore since it always ends up out of the zone. I love the guy and it hurts to say this, but he might not be the guy closing games when they are a serious contender in a few years. I like what I see in Dolis and I think he will become a pretty good setup man/potential closer.



3. Bryan LaHair has a massive penis. This dude looks legit even though he was in the same graduating class as my dad in high school. Some bros are just late bloomers. He has good power and hits for average as well as in the CLUTCH. If Rizzo is ready, I wouldn't mind trying to shift his lefty bat to a corner outfield spot. His defense can't be any worse than Soriano's.

4. Shark can be a legit 3 starter. He's just learning to command 4 pitches and at times he looks awesome. I was down on this clown, but he appears able to live up to his investment. I would love nothing more than to see this guy dominate even though he went to ND (Sorry Many). Let's hope that he can be a solid starter for the Cubs for years to come.

5. I really want to sign Garza long-term. Contrary to Kiel "Money Bags" Fitzgerald I don't think the Cubs should even consider trading him. Best case scenario: They get similar prospects that they gave up to get him. The dude is a stud and a gamer. Great in the clubhouse. He isn't asking for crazy money seemingly. Let's sign this Matt Clement goatee-resurrect to a 5-year deal around 55 million.

6. Kerry Wood is a novelty act. Kid K is a lifer in the Cubs organization and I'm glad that he made a gentlemen's agreement to stay around after his playing days are over. Mostly because that is only a few days away. He can still bring it, but will get hurt as much as Rip Hamilton (I'm not a basketball fan he just seems injured constantly). I love Kerry and look forward to him grinding on Ronnie Woo Woo at Bernie's.

7. Randy Wells can't drink as much in Iowa as he does in Wrigleyville. Wells was called up to make a few starts and looked decent as opposed to a shell of his former 80's cover band self. He will be a serviceable long man in the pen as long as he doesn't start getting fucked up with Greenfield at Sluggers again.

8. David DeJesus' wife is a bombshell. Look up a pic of this fox. The chick is one banging Latina. Mad props to my fellow Latino David Jose de Ronchata de Dejesus on bagging that. Now please just bring that OBP up a bit and drive in a few fat Sotos.

9. Bryce Harper is the real deal. His hair is awesome and that throw home last night was amazing. The bat will come around as long as he stops playing softball pickup games with street youths. He is a pure baseball player and the Nats made the right call on not waiting to call this bro up to the majors.

10. Our softball team's girls will hit more home runs than the cubs. When Joe "Bad Boogie" Mather has the only home run by an outfielder for your team, you are a joke. Even with a "million dollar" infield, you can't win games without any power from your outfield. These Cubbies will continue to struggle for offense and  fight to reach .500 all season with this lack of power.

I love the Cubs with all my heart, soul, Latino desire and Polish brain, but I realize it's going to be a somewhat long road for Theo to make a contender out of this team. I agree that it is time to "blow this thing up" and get something back to build from while we can. The Sox will fade soon, Many, don't you worry. It's only a matter of time until Peavy gets hurt. Cheers to a year of yelling "Go Joe Mather Go" and "Barney and Friends Dominated my Childhood". May God Bless America and the Cubs!