As we look back at the first quarter of the Cubs season it kind of feels like looking back at yourself from high school. You think to yourself and ask did I really do that? Do I have any discipline? Did I really think that would work? Followed by comments like "Wow, that was embarassing" and "Well, at least I tried hard". The season is sadly already basically over largely due to the fact that Rick Moranis hits more on women at bars on a Saturday night than the Cubs lineup seems to and the bullpen is about effective as condoms were for that dude who had like 37 kids looking for a break from child support. Here's some brief thoughts:
Starting Pitching
The starting pitching has been better than advertised as a whole with the exception of Chris "Babyface" Volstad. That dude gets shelled more than Carrot Top gets booed. Ryan Dempster is the definition of a tough luck starter not having a win in his last 16 starts despite pitching solid. They should trade him to a contender and give him a chance to win. He deserves it. Garza has pitched well and I hope they lock him up long term and get him an unlimited card at the Popeyes by Wrigley. The Shark seems to have kicked the Busch Light and is pitching very well. Maholm throws about 47 tops but gets guys out. I like what Travis "I'll Fight You" Wood can do. I think that trade looks better with how Marshall is pitching.
Bullpen
This is just a mess. Russell has pitched well. I like Dolis, but it's going to be a learning experience and probably a bumpy road at times. Fine, let's get that out of the way now while they try to win 62 games this year. Shawn Camp is alright but isn't going to be a setup man for a contender. We need to trade for or sign some pieces to improve the bullpen. Bring Marmol back slowly off the DL and ship him to NYC with the owner of US Beer Company. Right now it is a glaring hole. With as good as the starting pitching has been the bullpen is a big reason why they suck.
Dejesus has been an average addition to the team. So he needs to get his wife to start wearing bikinis in the bleachers. That's the biggest thing he brings to the table. Tony Campana and Reed Johnson are fine to cheer for in CF, but let's call a spade a spade here. Nothing major there. Soriano is Soriano. Just give me 20 and 80 and we will try to trade you. Have to just ride out that contract at this point. Stewart is ok at third but his average is the same as Greg Oden's percentage of minutes played. Castro is awesome, but needs to get more walks. His average is around .315 but his on base is like .312. How is this possible? He doesn't walk so much it goes backwards. That Barney kid can hustle. That's about all there is to say about that. LaHair has been a pleasant surprise. However, he has dipped a bit as of late and I'm starting to think people are recognizing him out at bars. Which means sluts will flock to him and he shows up to games a wee bit tired. Soto is still smoking weed with that bum in the grey winter coat by Goose Island. Trade him. Joe Mather is batting third tonight and that is NOT the answer for more offense. We will just have to grind it out. Don't bring up Rizzo just to do so. Let him dominate kids like Zac Efron in AAA so we can keep his salary down later down the road when they can contend.
Three Brightspots
1. Bryan LaHair has brought the Cubs some home runs. He's fun to watch and it will give me something to spill my beer over when I jump up from my seat as he takes some scrub from Pittsburgh deep.
2. The starting pitching is better than thought. At least most games are competitive.
Three Low Points
1. Why did Castro try to bunt with runners on first and second with no outs? Just a terrible call and the execution was even worse. Best way to kill a rally: have your number three hitter bunt in that situation.
2. Wood retiring. His performance was so bad to this point and the team was playing so poor he just decided to call it quits. He's one of the greatest Cubs ever. Not necessarily numbers-wise but how he carried himself off the field and what he did for the city and organization. Best Wishes, Kerry! Thanks for the memories
3. Getting swept by the Sox at home. The first game wasn't terrible because it was competitive. Dejesus can't drive in people from third with one down and it cost the game. Saturday was a joke. I was in attendance and it was just tough to watch. Sure they scored runs late, but it was brutal. Getting used condoms and syringes thrown on me by Sox fans as I left was a real downer. Sunday was the topper though. We looked like a little league team getting ready to cry as we got shutout. The cast of the Big Bang Theory would have looked better at a Victoria Secret afterparty. Low point of the season so far.
It's been tough to watch so far. Let's just look forward to September callups at this point. We can enjoy some good pitching performances (mostly by the other team) and some home runs. I can't wait to go to Minnesota to watch the two worst teams in the league (I'll be as sober as Charlie Sheen yelling shit at lumber jacks and children who are bigger than me). So let's ride out this season of low expectations and look to the future. At least this isn't a "dead ass team". They do try and hustle. Really though? Houston? Damn! Well, Go Cubbies let's end this losing streak tonight before it gets epic! Let's not lose 100!
They might lose 100
ReplyDelete